I deal with this too. I choose to trust my spouse with something important to me, I get let down, take back control and then feel guilty for taking back control. I vacillate between controlling, releasing control but feeling like a victim and almost always feel bad for not trusting as I would want to be trusted. I believe communication is key. Accepting the fact that we don’t share the same goals, and choosing what to need and ask for based on that, not using the outcome as a means to judge. I find myself assuming that he is in my head, I know he is not and need to remember to be more clear of what I need, no assumptions.