Jennifer Thomas is a bestselling author, psychologist, speaker, consultant & apology critic

Learning Styles and Love?

Thoughts on learning styles and how they might be expressed though love and grief.

A one-sentence history of learning styles:

Neil Fleming of New Zealand developed theVARK system of learning styles, which was based upon Bandler and Grinder’s VAK system and Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

V,A, and K stand for these learning styles:




I’ve heard it said that a person’s learning style may be revealed by their word choice.  For example:

Visual- “I see what you mean”

Auditory- “I hear what you’re saying”

Kinesthetic- “Lets get moving

As I counsel clients who have lost loved ones, I’ve noticed a pattern of grief being expressed in similar terms.  I wonder if we feel (and miss) love in Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic terms that relate to our learning styles.  For example:

Visual- I’d give anything just to see my mother’s smile one more time.

Auditory- I long to hear my Dad say my name with excitement as he always did when I called.

Kinesthetic- How I wish I could have my mom’s arms around me again.

I’d like to give credit for my “Visual” example above.  I was struck by a comment that my friend, Melissa, made while remembering her dear mother in her blog post about Mother’s Day:

“I started to remember how much I loved sharing life with my mama. And how much she would love seeing me as a Mama. Giving her kisses. Using her petnames and phrases. Laughing her laugh. Making her recipes for my children, the same way she did for me. Even using a Kitchen Aid mixer, just like she did. And I just wish that I could pick up the phone and call her. Or see her smile one more time.”

Well said, Melissa.

I’ve never read about this love/grief application of learning styles anywhere and I’d be interested in what you think!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS